"The Way We Live"

A friend of mine made a comment on Facebook through her "25 Random Things" post. She mentioned something that definitely made a strong impression and that I fully agree with. It's a great comment for reflection:

"The older I get, the more I realize that there are many paths to happiness and a million different ways to live a life. I think sometimes we fear those who make different choices because we need to believe that WE have made the RIGHT choices. I think we all do the best with what we have." - Penny McNatt-Devine

It makes you wonder why so many people are almost violently opposed or dismayed when it comes to expressing or having an opinion on the way other people live. They feel like the way they live their lives is the way others should. It's almost like they need a sense of validation for how they've chosen to live because it would only make sense if others chose to make the same commitments and decisions...or even believed the same things.

I think some people can become so used to living in one way that their identity, the only one they know of themselves, becomes dependent on that. If choices and life changes, then the way they recognize themselves changes too and that might be scary because then that would make them feel like they've failed...that they were wrong just when they thought they had life figured out or that they have no clue on how to function in the future now that everything has fallen out of familiarity.

We can apply this to so many examples...especially the ones involving religious, political, homophobic and racial fanatics...to name a few.

I do feel a lot of the grandstanding in this context comes from people being dissatisfied with how they live or not wanting to be challenged to reconsider or evaluate their own life choices and beliefs. We all, either at some point or to some degree, wanted/want the security of knowing that we were/are making the right decisions or that the way we see things is the "correct" way. So we look for ways that we can validate that...validate ourselves.

I also don't think people are always aware of the ways in which they seek validation. It might be hard to notice or we might think that whatever we do in a given context is based on authentic convictions or beliefs...when it's all a metaphor for something deeper that we seek or feel that is missing. If anyone here has read T. C. Boyle's "Carnal Knowledge"...this is a perfect example.

This is why I have an interest in occasionally taking a deep look at the things I feel strongly about. Are they really true passions? Are they really things that I feel truly represent me? Are they really things that I want to do in life or beliefs that I want to live by? Are certain disciplines or restrictions that I place on myself necessary or meaningful? What would my life be like if I didn't let some fears dictate how it was lived? What can i do to live more in courage rather than fear? Why do I feel so tied to certain aspects of my identity?

I also don't think people are always aware of the ways in which they seek validation. It might be hard to notice or we might think that whatever we do in a given context is based on authentic convictions or beliefs...when it's all a metaphor for something deeper that we seek or feel that is missing. If anyone here has read T. C. Boyle's "Carnal Knowledge"...this is a perfect example.

I also think, as the quote implies, that we never ask ourselves if we could be happy living life in more than one way. We often feel that is the one golden path to happiness or whatever happiness means to us. We are often too scared or fearful to find out what other paths could provide for us. Sometimes we are forced to see another way of living due to circumstances or unexpected events. Not everyone does well in that event...some people continue to try to hold on to their old way of seeing and doing things because that's all they know and that's what they've based security and identity on.