Monogamy

Introspective thoughts that come to mind from ponderings of a pool of articles, conversations and forums...

I sometimes wonder how many people can truly commit to a monogamous relationship...not because they will cheat or because they don't put in effort, but because along with those issues, you simply have the reality of every individual evolving over the course of a lifetime. As two people evolve, compatibility must endure with these transformations. A couple who has been happily married for 20 or more years must have been able to grow in similar directions and with similar energies. What a feat.

However, you often find that most people just do not make it to that many years of marriage...in quality that is. This can be so for many different reasons, but one of those reasons is because at first...hell maybe even during the first 6-8 years of that relationship, the couple shares a similar walking path which is essentially a package of things including mutual interests and desires, but after those years have passed, one or both people might evolve in such a way that it shifts the balance out of that relationship. The things that were valued or shared at first either no longer apply or don't apply as much so that causes a change in that connection and that might lead to a divorce of "irreconcilable differences" as it is often formally put.

Just what does that mean when people list that as a reason for divorcing? I would assume it means as I previously described, but perhaps I am being too formulaic about the supposition. Who knows?

I've been reading a few discussions forums lately and I've been talking to a few people who have been sharing their relationship or dating woes, conflicts and rantings. One thing that was told to me was that in this day and age, so many people just do not know how to date or what to expect from others for courtship...that it's a confusing time where so many feel lost and feel they are destined to be happily "unpartnered" for the rest of their lives.

Is this so because now many in this society have too many choices of what they can do with their lives whereas before we followed stricter rules about what was expected during courtship and within a committed relationship? Are we spoiled and overexposed to too many things?

If so is that a bad or good thing? If it's bad, the devil's advocate question would be, "How do people really discover the core of themselves without having a wealth of experience and options? Who are they really and how can they develop this sense of self and awareness over time?" Why define yourself through a list of indefinables or rather limitations/unfulfilled desires (but then when do we ever stop desiring which begs the question of monogamy)?

If this is a good thing, I guess you already drank the cocktail provided by those questions and fall more in line with the implied reasoning...which is go with experience and constantly seek, evolve and realize...never committing, never settling and never staying contained in any manner or form.

I guess this is a scary and odd existence for so many...to be so far out there in this world full of options and the ability to establish freedom of being (supposedly). Those who are single long for what attached people have and those who are attached are wishing for some aspects of single life or single life period. Everyone is doing the splits. Each side wants something the other has and no one can find a damned way to exist harmoniously. Some have...more so as single people than attached I would guess. But then again it is MY guess because I am thinking there are far more single people out there than long-term committed and especially married.

Life...the ultimate game...you can make your own rules or follow someone else's set but do you ever really know how to play?

Late night mental ramblings of course put into the form of word...indeed this is.