Being Human

What does it mean to be very human? How would we all look if we lived by our rawest behavioral codes? I notice that people are threatened by and very judgmental towards other who are "more human" than they are. I guess everything we do is human so to speak because we are humans doing whatever we do, but I am referring to "being human" as a way to describe a state of living in free expression of your natural instincts...no matter how odd they seem.

For example, I'll get an urge to utter this nonsensical sound while sitting at my computer typing. It's random and it doesn't seem to many any sense...but the urge is there once in awhile. If I were in the room with someone else or with a group of people and totally expressed this, I'd probably startle others or make them think I was on something because it's not kosher and "normal" behavior.

I sometimes get the urge to get up and let out a scream, get into a certain body position, moved my arms in a certain way, let out a guttural laugh or say a gibberish word or term that comes about from looking at an associated person or object. Some of these things relate to having synesthesia but I think on a basic level...they are still things that others might feel the need to do too. I censor all of these things when I am around people...because of course I've adapted to common social etiquette and I wouldn't want anyone to perceive me as crazy, unpleasant or uncouth.

But what if we all just let go...lived in a state of complete natural expression and thinking? What would happen? Who would you be? What would you discover about yourself? How would society restructure itself overall? Would we develop a natural life rhythm as a social community?

I think we might be the only species that lives with censorship of our authentic natures.

I know I am not going to go out tomorrow and start behaving this way. My filters will remain on and I will continue to respect social etiquette more or less because I just don't live in that kind of society but I still think about this from time to time. I also wonder if this makes any sense to others. I like to think many can relate to this and that everyone in their own way has their "weird urges" and impulses that they hold back all the time...without thinking...because we've been socialized.

A Corporeal Society of Births

There's an image that keeps popping up in my mind right now; a woman with a see-through belly showcasing multi-colored layered sand art below two prominent tits featured as large bulbous fishbowls each filled with exotic, frenzied-swimming, darting, glimmer-eyed fish. I don't see her head in most images, but when I do; her head is vaguely displayed as a spinning globe cocked to the side with a gold ring around it and a matching neck platform.

Maybe I should sketch this down in my sketch book. There has to be some message in this image somewhere as it keeps springing up.

I don't see her lower body, but I am thinking that I'd draw them as two skyscraper-like buildings. From the feet (first floors) all the way up to the top part of the inner thighs are many stories or floors with stairways that lead one floor to the next. There would be little people running up and down busily throughout these floors constantly performing tasks.

The pelvis up to the lower abdomen, which is right below the sand art belly, would be a birthing factory of some sort. The sand that falls from the belly into the pelvis-abdomen factory would have divine powers that produce life. The sand periodically leaking from the belly area into the factory, like sand seeping into the lower channel of an hour glass, would produce hyper and purpose-fixated homunculi...

Each contributing colored layer of sand from the belly would represent a different vital ingredient for form whole bodies. The factory would incubate the sand mixture and in a certain time period eventually release a newly born but recycled humanoid. That's where all those little people running back and forth in the skyscraper building legs would come from. Each person would have a maximum number of tasks to perform upon birth. As the last task is completed, their life span would end and they'd shrink and dry up into a sandy powder of diverse hues and textures. Another homunculus would come and perform a cleaning task with a ceramic container, broom and dustpan to gather up the sand decay and empty it into one of the many small escalator-deposit openings located within the walls on each floor.

Ginger's Song

My favorite thing to do is to tell a story and to illustrate it in some fashion.

The art piece "Ginger's Song" has gone through a lot of revisions. The character even looked different in the beginning. Not drastically so, but Ginger was less refined. I like that her features remain odd and characteristic so that you know that although she resembles a human, she belongs in the fantasy realm.

Ginger's Song is a short story concept that I have yet to write. The story is about a young girl with a talent for playing the piano. While practicing in her room on her scaled-down piano that her mother purchased for her years ago, she thinks of a new tune that she's quite fond of and wishes to try out on the piano. At first, the tune doesn't sound right. Some notes are off and it's incomplete.

When she manages to finish composing the tune, something very fantastical happens. One of the walls in her bedroom starts glowing around the edges and eventually breaks away completely to reveal a hidden world. She sees a valley of lush green rolling hills, marbled white fluffy clouds in the sky with a brilliant and crisp sun amid a pale lavender sky tinged with lemon tints and an inviting quaint little schoolhouse with children playfully running around on the grounds not too far in the distance.

Ginger realizes that this special song that she's created is the key to this enchanting world. Anytime she wants to visit, she knows she can play her song, Ginger's Song.

Although, I've decided to showcase my artwork here as well, more of my illustrations can be viewed at:

The Candy Bar

As Patrick pulled up to the remote hospital near the outskirts of town, he noticed that the parking lots and the premises overall were empty. There was only one car near the front of the hospital entryway and it appeared to be an abandoned slick black Camaro. The Camaro had odd characters carved into the paint job and the tires were missing.

Patrick wondered if the hospital was closed. He also wondered what kind of hospital this was. It was strange and in a very remote part of town that he'd never been to. Why did his friend recommend this place to him last week? There was no one here. Could he even get in?

Patrick took his cell phone out of his pocket and decided to call Thomas. He wanted to verify that he was at the correct address but Patrick noticed that his cell phone could not pick up a signal. He looked again at the building through his car window and saw that the street address matched what he wrote down on paper.

1771.

He was certainly on the street of Uriah. He was on time for his appointment. He also knew that there was no other hospital around the area, so this had to be it.

Patrick decided to get out of his car and walk up to the entrance. As soon as he neared two feet of the entry doors, he was asked to insert his driver’s license into a nearby slot on the left wall for identification. This bewildered Patrick but he figured since he had an appointment, this might be the way that the hospital allowed certain people in during, what seemed so far to be, off-hours.

Once he inserted his ID, the doors automatically slid open and the whimsical and exciting sound of coins falling rapidly and repeatedly out of slot machines could be heard, although there were no slot machines to be seen near the doors and it made no sense to hear them. The place was certainly not a casino of any kind.

He noticed that all of the lobby seats were empty as well. The black and white tiled flooring created a continuous Escher pattern and the walls were decorated in loud, hypnotic, spiral motifs. The chairs arranged around the wall in the lobby were in greens, blues, reds and pinks. They were very modern-looking and resembled the shape of the letter s with wavy indentations.

No one was at the front desk.

Soon, over the speaker system, Patrick heard an echo of melodious chuckles, a clearing of the throat and then a voice prompt, in a strange high-pitched voice with deep undertones, telling him to take a seat only on a green chair and patiently wait to be assisted.

Patrick looked around. He felt a bit scared and extremely confused. What was this place? Where were the staff and medical professionals? None of this made sense.

He walked over to a dark green chair and hesitantly sat down on it. He waited awhile and looked toward his right which stretched down into a very long and slightly dark hallway. He could see no end to the hallway due to the increasing darkness within its visible depth. However, he began to hear something.

Footsteps.

Light footsteps.

As he strained his eyes and edged over the dark green chair to see clearly into the hallway horizon, he started to see a small figure make its way toward the lobby. The figure looked like it belonged to a small child. As the figure emerged into the lobby, Patrick could see that it was indeed a child. The child was unusual looking. It was a girl and she looked like no girl Patrick had ever seen.

She had very black skin like the color of a traditional bowling ball and platinum blond hair that seemed natural rather than dyed. Her cheeks were rotund, shiny and plump so much that they looked like artificial protrusions that hid surgical implants underneath. The little girl's eyes were a piercing glowing green. But a dark emerald green, like the chair Patrick was told to sit in earlier. Her little legs awkwardly crossed over one another as she walked. It was a very rhythmic and robotic walk and cadence. Patrick saw that she was dressed in tiny pantaloons that were puffy around the thighs. The shirt, which exposed her smooth and chubby dark belly and hosted an image of a circle on the front, had puffy short sleeves to match the pants. The entire outfit was lime green.

The little girl was holding a green tray and as she came close to Patrick, he saw that the tray contained a light green candy bar with an infinity symbol embedded on it. The coating of the bar seemed to be some kind of fondant.



Patrick felt paralyzed. He had no idea what was going on and who this peculiar little girl was. He also thought about her parents. Didn't she have parents around? Who was supervising this weird little girl?

"Hey there...are you here by yourself?"

The little girl continued to stare at Patrick with the tray in front of her. She slowly formed a wide but closed-mouth smile but made no other gesture.

"What is your name? Can you understand me? Where are your mother and father? Are they around? Is anyone else around the hospital? Can you tell me?"

The little girl stopped smiling and raised the tray higher and closer to Patrick.

"Eat," she said in a very babyish voice.

"Eat what? The candy bar?"

The little girl giggled and nodded her head playfully. Patrick didn't want to eat anything from the tray. The bar appeared to be clean and no one had bitten into it, but although this was a child, this was a stranger nonetheless and he didn't know what to expect.

"If you tell me your name and get someone to come to the front desk, I will eat a piece of your candy bar OK? Deal?"

The little girl's lips began to quiver and form into a pout and her crystal dark-green eyes started to tear up. She lowered her head and began to cry.

Patrick looked around alarmed to his left and right, especially toward the hallway to see if anyone heard her crying. No one came and the girl cried louder.

"Shhhhhh! Please...stop crying. I'm sorry. Look...I'll eat a piece of your candy bar OK? Just a small piece. But after this you'll have to call someone in to begin my appointment or else I am going to leave."

The little girl looked up from the tray into Patrick's eyes and began to smile again. Patrick picked up the bar from the tray and held it up to his nose. It smelled strongly of vanilla and lemon. The smell was inviting and he could not detect any foulness or decay in its odor.

He broke open the candy bar and was shocked to notice that not only was the inside of the bar hollow but the interior of each broken piece contained a minuscule room with little humans inside of it. They were in the middle of various scenes within a torn apart living room space. He could see a woman in the kitchen cooking, a tiny man on the couch watching TV, 2 miniature children on the floor playing board games with one another and a couple of older people at a dining room table reading.

They all, except for one little man, were oblivious to Patrick's surreal intrusion. Before Patrick could react, he saw that the little man on the left broken piece of the bar stopped watching television, turned around to stare at Patrick and got off the couch. He walked toward the jagged end of the broken bar and sat down with his small legs dangling off the edge. He lifted his diminutive hand and pointed directly at Patrick.

Patrick got the chills, jumped back, let out a yelp and dropped the bar pieces onto the floor and immediately felt the beginning of tremors below the ground and around the walls in the hospital room. It felt like an earthquake. The little girl was gone without a trace although the tray was now on the floor near the disjointed candy bar. The candy bar pieces now looked like the parts of a smashed green scarab beetle with perfectly round blood clots.

Patrick backed away from the wall in horror and began to call out for help. No one came. He saw that the wall behind the chairs was developing cracks and that with each tremor the cracks were fracturing further.

He ran toward the entrance doors on the let but he could not get out. They were locked and would no longer slide open. He banged on the glass doors repeatedly but they still would not open. Patrick saw a full parking lot outside of the glass doors and a thriving community of people walking around. He screamed frantically for assistance and desperately hoped that someone outside would hear him.

No one paid attention.

No one heard him.

The wall as well as the flooring was now splitting fully into two sections...and each side was moving in different motions as if they were on a balancing scale. Patrick stood with his back flat against the glass entry doors in sheer terror watching as the room continued to split in half. He was on the verge of fainting when he saw what the split began to reveal. A pair of extremely large eyes slowly materialized through the ever-growing split revealing a human face with a wide-eyed curious expression.

Patrick started to feel an eerie sensation in his limbs. The sensation forced one of his arms to propel upward and point to the face between the opening. He could fully see the human now. They were holding up each end of the broken-apart hospital room with their gigantic hands. He jutted out his index finger to point at the face peering further into his side of the hospital lobby and let out an unearthly long shriek between his wildly-tortured, stretched-open mouth.

At that moment both sides of the room were released by the humongous hands and Patrick's body slammed hard against the glass doors as he felt a dramatic drop into an indescribable abyss...

Personal Spaces

Perhaps the trend isn’t so new in certain cultures, in some older generations and cases of estranged relationships between two people who stay married on paper and still live together, but in North America overall the trend of couples, living together either in marriage or a long-term partnership, maintaining separate bedrooms and bathrooms is steadily on the rise.

There are even marriage couples who are looking into buying separate houses, condos and apartment. The claim is that maintaining a good deal of personal space keeps a relationship healthy, symbiotic and enduring.

I am not sure what I think about this solidly. I know being in a long-term relationship (for two years now) with my fiancé, who lives in Canada while I live in the US, taints my opinion of maintaining major separate living conditions. The last thing I’d want to do, after the distance is finally gone between us, is to continue to keep that factor going.

Separate Bathrooms

I do find separate bathrooms very desirable. It is especially ideal for couples who have different habits and similar/different work schedules. One partner might have way more personal items than the other and not mind the counter being somewhat populated. It might sound like a preference based on messiness and laziness but if you are a person who needs to have reasonable access to relative items as you wash your face, comb your hair, apply makeup/shave and so forth, then you will want to arrange certain items around the counter space conveniently and keep those areas dedicated.

Some people are very minimal and extremely low-maintenance. They can’t stand the idea of anything around the counter space aside from a solid bar or bottle of liquid soap and a few hand towels to dry their face with.

A couple’s work schedules can affect the necessity or desirability for separate bathrooms. Usually a household contains a master bathroom connected to or near the master bedroom. If both partners need to get up at the same time to get ready for work and one person needs more time to get ready, then I am sure both people will appreciate having different bathrooms. But I find this to be the least promotional argument for having separate bathrooms. Whether or not two bathrooms spaces are classified each as belonging to a partner is not really effectual. If there is more than one bathroom in the house, someone can always use the other one regardless.

So I think having separate bathrooms is more impacted by habits and need for privacy.

Separate Bedrooms

Hmmm…well this tightens up things a bit. I will bring up the point I made with having two bathrooms, in that if one partner, for whatever reason, wants to sleep in another bedroom, given that there’s more than one bedroom in the house, then they can just do this without classifying it as “their” room.

So this means when I think of a couple having separate bedrooms, it’s more than just an occasional condition. It’s stable and consistent. In this case, I can’t see the desire for this in what I personally consider an idea relationship. I love the idea of sleeping close to my partner in bed each night. I like to feel him near as it makes me feel affectionate, secure and comforted. These seem like natural desires.

I remember reading a thread on a discussion board years ago, asking forum users if they liked the idea of having a separate bedroom from their partner. One man replied that he was a chronic and extremely loud snorer and his wife was a light sleeper. Ever since they got married, she initially found it hard to sleep next to him snoring so loudly and would experience nights where she got very little sleep for work the next day. As a result, he said they winded up maintaining separate sleeping areas. He took on another bedroom in the house.

Another woman mentioned that she and her husband had completely different work schedules and when her husband got up to get ready for work, she did not want her sleep disturbed. So they too began to cultivate separate sleeping quarters.

I guess I can understand these exceptional cases…especially the first one as I would just hate hearing snoring period. That makes me feel glad that I don’t have a partner that snores like that and that I am not a snorer myself.

I think it’s important otherwise for couples to bond physically throughout their relationship, including at bedtime. This doesn’t always mean having sex. This just means being close together. I am not always one to snuggle, especially during very hot weather, but I do like to cuddle up often to my partner when sleeping. Eventually we move apart in our sleep anyway, so it’s not a hindrance. I am not worried about being put in a mindless choke hold while asleep.

Separate Houses

OK this is very weird to me. I can see doing this as a couple wanting to move in together after they officially get married. I can see this for a couple who is not married. As I write this I don’t have anything against cohabiting couples, especially since I’ve experienced this myself in the past, these are just reasons where I can see living in separate houses making sense.

As for a married couple, I don’t understand the reasoning behind this. It’s like a marriage couples wants to have their cake and eat it too. They want the feeling of being single while being married. I think if a couple needs separate housing, they might want to examine their desire for a long-term relationship or marriage…as well as the condition of their relationship period. I mean what’s the point of living in two completely different housing spaces?

Sleep in a different room if you have to in order to maintain privacy, but again different building means “trouble in utopia” so to speak.

I think one other area that might make sense here is if a couple is going through a separation period. They don’t want to officially split up but they do need their time apart to sort things out. They might feel that even living in the same house in separate bedrooms is too close for comfort so they work out living in separate housing until they can resolve their issues.

Overall, people are experimenting with new ways to define their relationships/marriages. For some people, these options work for them. They are able to maintain a healthy and close relationship while sustaining different types of living spaces from mild to extreme. I can’t really argue against whatever a couple does if it makes sense for them and it works.

But I think with whatever decisions people make here, they need to be completely honest about their motivations so both people know that they are on the same page and there are no excuses being made to slowly but safely detach oneself away from a relationship…in other words, taking the passive aggressive approach.

I always love to hear different takes and experiences on this subject though.

This or That?

The classic song by 80s rap group Black Sheep, "The Choice is Yours" comes to mind right now.

I just read an entry on a Dear Sugar blog. This was the blog entry:

This or That: Her Husband Confesses to Cheating or Having Feelings For You?

Your friend mentioned that she’s been having some issues with her husband lately, however you didn’t realize the extent of it until you head to their house for a dinner party. You watch his behavior turn from bad to worse with each drink. He’s continuing to pick fights with her and she’s obviously humiliated. When she heads into the kitchen, you pull him aside and ask him to stop his unreasonable behavior. Would it be worse if he responds by . . .

This: Confessing to seeing another woman on the side? He’s completely guilt ridden, which is why he's acting this way but he wants to make things right although your friend will be absolutely devastated to learn this news.

Or . . .

That: Revealing that he has deep feelings for you?. His lust and desire for you has made him realize that he can’t stay with your friend anymore.

My thinking is that...it's bad and I'd carry a burden either way but I think it would be worse if he revealed I was the object of his desire. In the case of him telling me about his affair and wanting to work things out...that is such a sensitive scenario. My immediate desire would be to tell my friend but the reactions here could be so complex. It's like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't on so many levels. What I would do is urge him to tell her. Tell her or else I will. That will make it that he has some pressure on his butt to make a move regardless of what results. If he doesn't, then I'd tell her and I'd argue that if it was none of my damn business, then he would have shut his mouth in the first place and not involved me knowing.

In the other scenario...if his partner is my best or good friend, how is she going to react once she finds out not only that he is cheating on some level, but that it involves me??

Of course I would never indulge his desires or return any of his interest. I will NOT do that to a friend for anything even after they break up. But he'd still be cheating because he has fallen in love with me. He's emotionally detached nonetheless. I consider that a form of cheating...hence he has to hide his feelings from his partner.

Anyway...when someone learns that they are being cheated on and their partner loves someone else, I can imagine them handling the situation irrationally and wildly because understandably they are in deep pain. So with the irrationality in context, I can see my friend taking out great anger on me just because I happen to be her partner's love interest and the reason her partner no longer wants to be with her. That's a pretty big mindfuck.

What woman wants to hear this about her best friend and her man? Rationally, she should not blame me and see that I only have her best interests at hand, but again emotions make people internalize a situation in so many unexpected ways. I would give my friend her space but openly and directly let her know I am there for her if she wants to talk.

I would not follow up on any contact with her partner if he tried contacting me later especially if he was an associated friend. I can imagine that he'd try to get with me after they broke up thinking he had a chance.

I think this situation will reveal how strong the friendship is between two women and what kind of dynamics are at play. If the friendship had any underlying catty, ego and jealousy issues to begin with, you'll certainly see them come to the surface in one way or another here on either side...that's for sure.

How would you handle this situation? and which scenario do you think is worse? Anyone experience this before?

Living Off The Grid and Other Thoughts

I saw a documentary last night that was very intriguing. It was featured as a free movie selection on Sundance On Demand. The documentary is called Off The Grid: Life on the Mesa.

I've always wondered what it would be like to live completely off the grid and construct an autonomous style of living...creating sources of power, plumbing and food all by my lonesome without municipal aid. It is easy to romanticize and idealize the notion but in reality it would be a pretty harsh lifestyle if you didn't have the means to make independence work and run smoothly.

The experiences of autonomous living can vary and my opinion is that the film I saw last night was just one of the many off-the-grid living arrangements. Not exactly the most poetic.

In this documentary, the filmmakers filmed the lives of several people who live in this off the grid community of 400 people in New Mexico called "the mesa" which is near the city of Taos. The community is comprised of extreme loners, vets suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome, runaway teens, mentally ill people seeking refuge, ex-hippies, radical anarchists/neo-luddites, junkies, gun rebels, and various anti-social eccentrics.

The community also has its own hierarchy...with "elders" and "mamas" being on top. They are generally older and they strive to keep the peace in the neighborhood when meetings are held to make decisions which includes how to deal with new residents who might be problematic. No one contacts the law and every resident is pretty staunch about that as they strive to create their own rules entirely.

That brings up a question: If a community can successfully live off the grid away from most of society and mainstream civilization (including creating their own bartering system and currency), should they be subject to governmental laws and regulations?

Anyway, according to the community, each person must follow only two rules:

• Don't shoot your neighbor


• Do not steal from anyone

All food is self-harvested or picked up from a donation ranch in the nearest town and each community member takes a bath at least every 3 weeks to a month in nearby streams and pools of water. Some residents still visit medical centers in Taos as well as collect unemployment or veteran checks (not exactly completely off the grid). The currency of the community is weed. Neighbors barter and exchange food and items for marijuana.

Some of the people in the film have access to some donated solar panels and many attempt to construct greenhouses on the land. However, the land is extremely arid and they are out in the middle of high desert ground, so you can imagine how difficult it is for anyone to harvest crops on that type of "soil". They are competing with ground and succulent plants that are extremely water absorbent.

One of the residents is a pig farmer named Stan (older guy) who has lived out on the mesa for years and he has his own supply of sheep, goats, chickens and pigs that he continuously breeds to keep a constant supply of milk, meat and animal fur for clothing, housing and the like. He is the first to greet and see runaways that come to find a place to live on the mesa. As a result, he often takes strays in until they move on to another location or travel further onto the mesa grounds.

Fantasy & Reality Checks

I went grocery shopping today because tomorrow I am making a huge Mother's Day dinner for, of course, my mother. I am going to make black beans, cheese enchiladas, Spanish rice, guacamole, pico de gallo (to be eaten with tortilla chips), mixed berry parfaits and fresh limeade.

I decided to get something to eat before heading out for groceries.

On my way to Costco, I began thinking about what I'd do if I won 10 million dollars from playing the lottery. I thought about many of the simple things I enjoy doing and all of the average-priced items that I buy once in awhile. Most of us are used to the feeling a need to budget when eating out, buying new books, CDs, clothes and the like. We fantasize about what it would be like to not feel any pressure to conserve money so often.

One person who considers him/herself a fan of Fuddruckers might once in awhile think how awesome it would be to buy several orders of fries and shakes for friends and family without a care. Of course, the average person CAN do this but can they do it several times a week or daily without much thought on keeping to a budget?

I know the average American is irresponsible with their money and lives way above their means with a huge history of debt, but outside of this, how freely and frequently can the everyday person indulge in their favorite purchases while claiming to live well within their means?

My point is that it seems that once someone instantly becomes rich, they'll likely create new standards or limits to reflect that change. A person who enjoyed eating regularly at Subway would probably abandon eating at their favorite chain often just because they accumulated millions of dollars through a contest, lottery drawing or entertainment career endeavor. They will look down on Subway and see mostly expensive, sit-down, affluent-associated restaurants as their new dining standard and swear that they can no longer go back to eating at Subway regularly because, "Like I am so above Subway now!"

As for me, I can't lie and say I don't enjoy the idea of luxury and opulence. I so do. But even my idea of luxury is not about bling-bling but about doing more of the things I like that personally define me and my tastes. I can't see myself buying a Ferrari just because I soon came into a massive amount of money.

Why? Well Ferraris just aren't my kind of car. I can appreciate their technology and design and I think some models are cooler looking than others, but they aren't what I think of when I picture a dream car. I know. That sounds so unbelievable and blasphemous. Like I am totally full of crap. But it's true.

I know many people buy Ferraris simply because they are status symbols and it's all about show and tell. They might never stop and ask themselves if this is the car they really want or if this type of car truly represents them. They care that the car is a Ferrari and now they can finally buy one and be one of the cool kids.



I've always loved the new VW Beetles and the Mini Coopers. I'd still go out and get one of these cars if I won 10 million dollars. I'd look into very cool hybrids as well as Smart Cars. I do like Bentleys as well...but not because they are Bentley's but because they are very sleek and sophisticated looking cars and you can completely customize them before an order. If a Bentley model costs around 50k rather than say 150k and above, I'd still think the way I do about Bentley models. This is just the kind of mindset I have. If not thinking about a car and I lived in an area where I didn't need one, I'd totally go for custom-made but sturdier forms of surrey bikes or an Electra bike.

So in answering the question what would I do if I won 10 million dollars? The first thing I'd do is free myself from slave status. This means I'd get rid all debts and loans by paying them off completely. I'd be ecstatic about being totally debt-free. I'd then offer my immediate family some money and wholly restore their house to its current market value. They could do whatever they wanted with the house afterwards...as well as with the money given to them.

Next, I'd immediately think of ways in which I could build and maintain passive income from various sources by myself and with my fiancé. We'd certainly get a place together. So this means I'd look into business investments that I'd have the opportunity to explore without financial limitations that otherwise would exist. These would be good and lucrative business investments. I am a strong believer in the statement, "A fool and his money are soon parted."

That brings me to this entry's title. What I imagine doing with 10 million dollars and what I'd actually wind up doing with it, should I come into that kind of money, are two highly different contexts. At least for me it is.

I think of celebrities (especially famous athletes) who gain fortune rather quickly. It's like they go from 10 mph to 5000 mph in a matter of 10 seconds. How does one adjust to such an immediate and blazing change like this? What happens in between snail speed and light speed? Yeah I know you'd be loaded with lots of money, but I feel it is so very important for one to wrap their head around such a status transition...because it's a huge paradigm shift.

To just go out and buy a multi-million dollar mansion and a bazillion cars just because you suddenly have the money to do so is a fantasy of many and it seems the likely thing to do but should someone do this right away if they have no previous experience being wealthy to this degree or at all?

It's an ontological shock and I think people take for granted how NOT ready they are or would be for such great responsibility, financial power and leverage. I think it's important for someone to get a strong sense of how to handle their own money on some level when they become wealthy. They need to go out and research about the average cost of living, learn accounting, financial management and so forth. They need to really be close to seeing the numbers going in and out of their accounts when spending their money. Having someone else completely handle the money so that one is further removed from adjusting to his/her new financial disposition is a bad move. A person needs as much of a reality check as they can get. They need to be hands on and the lights need to be on mentally.

I also think that learning how to create residual income and make sound investments so that your financial worth remains above the water's surface is a great way to mentally adjust to being wealthy...especially if you suddenly came into wealth.

I'd do many of these things first before going out spending my money crazily even if I know I am insanely tempted. It's not just about money either. It's also about one's state of mind.

Many people live life according to their limitations. Not their Potential. Therefore, many people gain some measure of self-awareness through limitations. When one comes into a large sum of money, they really are challenged to see who they are at the core, because now he/she can start living less with limitation and with more options. This is actually kind of scary to think about and it's no wonder we often see how tragic, crazy and chaotic the lives of many rich celebs and lottery winners become. They can't handle the paradigm shift and they start to see what they are truly like when their world suddenly becomes embellished with tons of options they could only formerly dream about.

I wouldn't want to be one of those people and although you can't know everything based on theory because experience is often the best teacher, I feel that being very proactive when it comes to analyzing, understanding and being honest with myself is the right way to live. I try to think about who I am not just based on my limitations and current circumstances but based on many possible options...even if they'll never materialize.

I know that any drastic change that I undergo in life, whether good or bad, will be something that I need to adjust to as best as I can. I can't take that for granted. No one should.

So what would I do if I won 10 million dollars? Well you read what I'd do technically, but the most important actions I'd take would be to keep myself in check, stay real and remain true.

Otherwise, winning 10 million dollars would soon become a curse rather than a blessing.

Loving Partner Games (LPGs) - Collection 1

Once in awhile, I'll come up with gaming ideas that I think are fun for couples to play with one another. They engender more bonding, fun and creativity in relationships.

Here are some LPG ideas that you can try with your spouse or romantic partner. Actually, you can play these games with good friends so it's up to you in terms who you want to play with.

Infinite Questions

This game is kind of like truth or dare but there's no dare. It's all truth. Each partner takes turn asking a question to the other. Any question can be asked but the other partner must answer questions honestly and directly. The game continues as long as both partners are willing to play. It's a fun game but it also can be challenging because of the honesty factor. This can has to be handled with maturity and open-mindedness. Both partners must keep in mind that the object of the game is to learn more about one another and become closer while having fun.

M.A.P. (Making a Pattern)

The object of this game is to throw out a list of 4-5 words. They should be verbs, adjectives, nouns, etc.

An example would be:

1. Faucet
2. Banana
3. Toilet
4. Pie
5. Travel

One partner has to string together a short story, statement or a pattern out of these words. You can use the words in any order or more than once in a statement but you have to use all words. You should be creative as possible. Here are a couple of examples for the word list above.

Statement:

During extensive travel I like to eat a creamy, fresh-baked banana pie while comfortably sitting on the toilet which is next to the leaky faucet.

Pattern:

Some faucets are arched like bananas. Bananas are used in toilets during fraternity hazings. Toilets are frequently used by contestants who travel to eat lots of pie during regional pie-eating contests.

A short story should be imaginative and very descriptive. Think of describing a plot.

Scenester

This is more of an activity than a game. No matter how shy, inexperienced or unfamiliar both partners are with acting, the point of this game is for both partners to act out scenes with one another. The best way to start is to purchase cheap but very resourceful scene books. Both partners should have copies of the same books. I have a few in my personal library. These are some of my recommendations:

• The Actor's Scenebook: Scenes and Monologues From Contemporary Plays
  by Michael Schulman and Eva Mekler


• Great Scenes and Monologues for Actors by Michael Schulman and Eva Mekler


• Play the Scene: The Ultimate Collection of Contemporary and Classic Scenes and Monologues by Michael Schulman and Eva Mekler

You'll notice, upon looking for scene books, that these two authors have a lot of books available for purchase. I find that they have some of the best and diverse collections of short scenes, dialogs and monologues.

Both partners can try memorizing some of the lines, reading directly from the scene books to one another and even experimenting with costumes and props to make the activity more enriching. Again leave all shyness behind. This activity should get partners to enjoy each other's company more and decrease their inhibition with one another to develop stronger intimacy levels.

The Dice Say

This is like spin the bottle but different. A couple should have several pairs of dice handy. Any style. Any size. In fact, the more styles, the better. As a person who is fascinated with dice, I love to collect as many designs as I can. Having a variety of styles makes the game more interesting and associative.

Once you have some pairs of dice on hand, you will assign different acts or gestures to each symbol, letter or number on the die pieces. For example, if you have a classic pair of white dice with black dots that represent numbers you can assign a sexy gesture or act to each value:

2 = Kiss my lips
3 = Massage my back
4 = Take off an article of clothing
5 = Take a sip of wine/beer/other drink
6 = Say something sexy about me
7 = Describe a sexual fantasy
8 = Plant a trail of kisses on my stomach
9 = Massage my temples
10 = Provocatively dance for me
11 = "other sexy act"
12 = ' '

The game is played by each partner taking a turn rolling the dice or tiles. Whatever "the dice say", the other partner must do. After that, the other partner takes his/her turn rolling the dice to follow command.

The couple can assign any act or gesture to the symbols, letters or numbers on the dice before the game starts. The acts and gestures can be sexual, casual, playful, whatever. The couple should use a small notebook to keep the list of associations handy at first until they are memorized further into the game. You can also use Mah Jongg tiles and other items that act somewhat like dice.

Here are some link references for dice and mah-jongg/mahjong tiles:

• Chessex


• Exclusively Mah Jongg

You can buy them in stores (on-line or off) that sell game sets or game pieces.

Loving Chefs

This is another activity rather than a game. The objective of this activity is for both partners to come up with a culinary recipe together. Pastries, meals, other desserts or even just beverages and snacks.

Whatever it is, It should be unique, tasty and mutually desired with a creative name. The couple must think of the idea, research, shop for the items and make and cook the recipe together from start to end even if one or both partners cannot cook. After the recipe is cooked, they must prepare their dining area together with candles, accompanying drinks, eating ware or whatever else they feel would make the dining experience rewarding.

The couple should also save any recipes that they make together in a notebook called The Book of Eats & Drinks or whatever else they wish to call the collection of recipes. A recipe can be cooked again in this activity from out of the book. The couple can improve the recipe, try a different version of it or simply have it again. However the goal should be to come up with new recipes for the most part.

These are just a few of the game/activities I came up with for couples to try together. I will continue to post more games/activities on my blog in the Hallway of Innovations category. Keep a lookout for future ideas...

I'd also like to hear any ideas that you have for partner games/activities.

The Depths of Curiosity

A few days ago, I spoke with my fiancé about pedophilia and its causes. Pedophilia is understandably a very off-putting and disturbing topic for many. The topic can touch a nerve for those who have been abused, witnessed the behavior, know someone who has been a victim or are just completely sickened by the idea.

It's one of the many topics that I think about once in awhile because it's such an enigma to me. What causes one to have this type of sexuality? Is it nature, nurture or both? If it's nature, how can we explain this psychologically and medically? These are some of the questions I ask myself. Presently there are only loose theories about the causes and there are no solid proven answers amongst medical professionals and social scientists.

I've always been an extremely curious individual. I am the type of person who is fascinated by things that are abnormal, controversial, rare, strange, wacky, zany and the like. I enjoy learning about various cultures, traditions, sciences, arts, trivial information and much more. I love learning overall and any chance I can get but the farther something is outside the margins of normality, the more it piques my interest. A lot of people just don't want to open themselves up to what exists outside of their comfort zone. They willfully block these things out from their learning agenda and place limits on exploring. They fear that the knowledge and awareness that they may obtain through the process of seeking without boundaries can linger and haunt them forever...or in some cases destroy or tarnish.

I understand this thinking and I've experienced it, but somehow my curiosity continues to get the best of me. I immediately think of the death of author/journalist Iris Chang. No one truly knows why she committed suicide but it has been theorized that although she suffered with chronic depression for a good while, she fell into a very abysmal, paranoid and unrecoverable state of depression that catapulted her to suicide, after researching heavily and relentlessly for her book, The Rape of Nanking. I realize that the research work for her book was not a mere act of curiosity but rather an expression of advocacy and commemoration for the Chinese victims of Japanese war crimes but if the suspicion surrounding her death is true, then it is a good case for how unadulterated awareness in some contexts might lead to or exacerbate mental anguish, disturbance and dissonance.

Is it healthy to open our minds to any and every reality that's out there? Should we keep some topics unexplored in order to preserve a sense of well-being? I guess it is up to each person to answer this question because the answers will differ from one person to the next.

My fiancé mentioned that subject matter dealing with serial killers, murder, pedophilia, suicide and the like are themes he dislikes exploring...even on a purely intellectual level. He doesn't want to know why or how when it comes to the minds of people who commit acts in the aforementioned categories.

I, on the other hand, am fascinated by human behavior on many levels which includes behavior in those areas. I find that the more extreme human behavior is, the more it makes us question what we define as normal for our kind. I also think it reveals how certain elements that exist in "normality" can create many instances of what we consider abnormal. It's easy for the mainstream of a given society to feel that it is completely separate and uninspiring to behavior and people that we deem as depraved, perverse and immoral.

I personally think that knowledge can be a way to protect ourselves. If we understand, to some degree, the mindset of people who are for whatever reason prone to criminal behavior, then we can make wiser choices about how to shield ourselves and loved ones from harm. We can trust without paranoia and we can clearly recognize the way that we influence others and contribute to society over the course of our lives. It is easy to think that there is more bad than good when we consistently learn of atrocities, tragedies and acts of terror and degradation. This feeling is further enhanced by living in a society where violence is constantly promoted, talked about and shown through many media outlets.

Growing up, I read a lot on forensic pathology, abnormal psychology/mental illness as well as serial killers. I developed a sizable book collection on these topics. This was also during a time when I had aspirations of becoming a psychiatrist or a forensic scientist. As for serial killers, their backgrounds, motives and minds deeply interested me on an intellectual level. I wanted to know how some of these people could commit the bizarre and nightmarish crimes they did. I wanted to know how and why they were so different from what we perceive as the average person. I wanted to understand the mysterious nature and causes behind psychopathy and sociopathy, all the while feeling disgust and disdain. I also wanted to understand myself in relation to such extremes.

As I absorbed more information on these subjects, I will say that a lot of it disturbed and haunted my mind for quite some time. I remember first listening to a song by one of my favorite bands Oneroid Psychosis entitled "Discharge" from their album Dreams with Pollutions When Virile and an extreme state of darkness came upon me. Each time I played the track, my mind obsessively went back to many of the explicit stories and details I read about various serial killers. The heavy and discordant mood was hard to shake and at the time, the track made me feel like I lived in a world completely taken over by violent perversity and mental depravity. As a synesthete, the song also triggered menacing, unusual and ghostly blends of colors (glowing oranges, yellow circular highlights and large spaces of blackness), images, and textures.

This effect was of course a compliment to their brilliant ability to create, set and trigger mood. The song is beautiful and it's masterfully produced by talented duo/brothers Leif and Lars Hansen, but the melody created such an intense atmosphere for me. When I listen to the track now, it no longer conjures those feelings although I remember them. I can enjoy it in a different way. I think I allowed those moods to run their course. The purged themselves automatically over time.

However, there are some topics that still rattle and shake me up a bit. I am uncomfortable talking extensively about the possible death of loved ones because this subject rates high on my list of fears. I am uncomfortable talking about incest because it is extremely unnatural and disgusting to me. I am also uncomfortable discussing topics on phobias that I have and sometimes I just don't feel like putting my mind in a sinister or grimy context, so this will influence what I am open to exploring and talking about on a given day.

With this being said, I admit I have a hard time understanding people who choose to be extremely closed to topics and realities outside of their comfort zone. It's one thing to refrain from becoming a specialist on some topics and talking about gritty gratuitous details because they are too upsetting or vile to handle, but another to totally block out all acknowledgment. I think it's dangerous to side with willful ignorance because it keeps some doors to understanding self and others forever closed.

I think there should be a balance...a healthy one between choosing what to completely expose yourself to and learning a bit more about this world that we live in whether it is good or bad. I think this balance has to be cultivated with respect to how strong we think we are and should be mentally, spiritually and emotionally as individuals. Some of us are more impressionable and/or sensitive than others. Some of us are trying to cleanse ourselves from toxic ideas and thoughts in order to maintain healthiness and others might be trying to run away from deeply hidden desires or drives within themselves. It's a mixed bag.

With me, being excessively curious will always be a given. I have a very active mind that requires lots of stimulation and I enjoy understanding things. This is a strong core trait and inclination. I don't have the option of ridding myself of it and I don't feel that I should if I could . I have learned to recognize when I need to use filters and when it's OK to fully explore and learn. I have also learned to realize when I seek out dark knowledge and subject matter to match and feed a dark mood and when I am showing innate and healthy intellectual curiosity. These sharpened areas of my intuition have, to some degree, have been nurtured by having an open mind. I also admit that I am just intrigued by what's different...outside of intellectual development.

What are some topics that disturb you? Which topics do you completely avoid discussing in depth? Why? Do you feel that our minds should be completely open to all levels of reality or do you feel that we should place limits on our curiosity? Why do you feel the way you do?

“Why Do Women Talk About Their Ex’s?”

This is a question that many men ask: “Why do women continuously bring up old boyfriends into conversations, especially at the beginning of a relationship?”

I guess this is a good question, but first I'd like to say that men talk about their ex-girlfriends too. I've personally experienced this, so the same following advice applies to men who are guilty of this. This is not a slant against women, it's just written in perspective of a woman. It's up for debate on whether or not women do this more often than men in relationships.

Anyway, there can be various reasons as to why a woman continuously references ex-partners to a current boyfriend:

1. She hasn't gotten over an ex


2. She hasn't moved on from that period of her life with an ex so the experience still affects her


3. She is very close with her -current- boyfriend and feels like she can literally tell him anything at any time


4. She is still friends with an ex and he remains an active part of her life


5. She wants to make her current boyfriend jealous, upset or aware of something he's not doing by comparing him to ex-boyfriends


6. She is insecure, hurt or confused and may expect the current partner to be like the ex-boyfriend(s).

She hasn't gotten over an ex-partner

Usually when a woman continues to talk about an ex because she still has feelings for him, it's likely that she didn't give herself time to heal after the breakup before dating again. As a result, the new boyfriend becomes the rebound. Loose ends haven't been tied. In this case, the relationship most likely won’t be a healthy one. The partner on the rebound is trying to fill a void with the new guy so the new guy’s place could be filled by anyone’s shoes. The emotional attachment that still exists isn’t going to allow the couple to really get to know one another on fair ground.

She hasn't moved on from that period of her life with an ex so the experience still affects her

Sometimes, it's not about having lingering feelings for the actual ex but about the experiences that materialized from being with that person over a certain time frame. A woman could have spent a significant amount of time with an ex, especially in a very transitional period of her life when she was younger. When a breakup happens, a transition must start again and even if the relationship wasn't a healthy one, it still feels like the woman is losing a particular degree of familiarity in her life. The more sentimental and emotionally attached a person is, the harder it is to adjust to change, even if it is necessary and healthier.

The new partner will feel like unappreciated and insignificant when a past relationship is brought up often, but in this case, the actions, on the woman's part, aren't intended to be neglectful and unappreciative. Time and lots of mutual understanding will naturally lead to healing in this scenario.

She is very close with her -current- boyfriend and feels like she can literally tell him anything at any time<

This brings up the question: How open should a couple be with one another?

I am a firm believer in establishing mutual openness and intimacy between trusting, emotionally sincere and committed partners. I don't believe in keeping secrets and shutting of communication. I think everyone should have their own head space and independence in a relationship, as it's healthy, but I don't believe in building a relationship on illusions and mysteries, no matter how big or small. This includes matters of sexual history and experience. A lot of people advocate leaving that out of discussion because it ruins a relationship, but I find that if a revelation of a past incident or activity can ruin a relationship, then that connection is not as compatible as one would like to believe. It's important to know this earlier on. However, it’s important to be able to decide if a person is trustworthy and has a high level of integrity.

I think when we are open with others and expect that in return, we can take for granted that our partners might not be able to handle complete honesty and expressiveness. They might claim to and make good on that for the most part, but they can sometimes be surprised with how sensitive they are about certain disclosures. This is validation to why I believe it's important to be OPEN, so these things can be realized in a relationship...not later down the road after more serious commitments have been made. A guy might interpret too much talk about an ex as a form of lingering attachment. This is understandable. I think the proper thing to do in this situation is for the guy to be open about how he feels and not hold in any resentment or disdain. The other person might never know how they are affecting their partner. Talk!

She is still friends with an ex and is an active part of her life

This is a pretty sensitive situation. This is where trust and openness really needs to take center stage. The new partner needs to be aware that the friendship with the ex is truly platonic and has been romantically absolved. The woman needs to be completely honest with herself and make sure that there are truly no underlying romantic feelings left. Sometime we can con ourselves into believing a connection with a past flame is innocent. We don’t want to believe that we could still have feelings. An ex might still have feelings although the woman doesn’t. The woman should NOT encourage the ex for ego gratification. She should draw a line and seriously consider cutting off that tie for good. Again both the woman and her new boyfriend need to be open and communicative with one another. I also believe there should be some boundaries placed in the friendship with the ex out of respect and consideration to a new partner regardless.

She wants to make her current boyfriend jealous, upset or aware of something he's not doing by comparing him to ex-boyfriends

If this was persistent behavior on the woman’s part, I’d advise cutting the relationship off completely because it’s toxic and emotionally abusive. If the woman is that insecure, if a woman can’t communicate her needs and desires maturely to her partner and if she expresses anger this way on a regular basis, then she’s not ready for a serious relationship and it will only get worse. The guy still needs to express his disapproval of her behavior to let her know he doesn’t appreciate it. If he doesn’t get any reasonable answers or solutions, then again it’s time to move on.

She is insecure, hurt or confused and may expect the current partner to be like the ex-boyfriend(s)

I’d give the same advice for reason #2. Time, mutual understanding and support and open communication should smooth out any wrinkles in this situation. If the woman is fully ready to move on and acknowledges her emotions, then that’s a very good sign. If a lot of denial and projection continues in the relationship, then the guy will have to decide whether the relationship has too much baggage for him to handle. At some point, he should gain enough trust from her and she should be willing to work with abolishing old conditions rather than encouraging them to prosper.

---

The fact is that there isn't one reason behind why some women continue to talk about ex-boyfriends in new relationships. The reason varies and if there’s going to be a resolution or understanding, then the guy needs to talk to his partner directly rather than sharing his disapproval with others or lamenting quietly to himself.

Becoming a Writer

I’ve had a desire to write since I was very young. I’ve always had a very active, vivid, wild and expressive imagination. When I told a story to someone, they’d always listen and find what I had to say fascinating because I was skilled with taking people on a journey. I always explored the "what if" and the unusual. So naturally, I had delightful and entertaining stories to tell.

I can remember all of the poems, short stories and random writings I created in the past. I wrote my first short story at age 9 which turned out to be nearly 40 pages. I'd written stories before but they were random short writings that I played around with. The short story I wrote at this point in time was for a 4th grade class assignment. Each student was instructed to write a 4-5 page short story. I decided to write a short story on one of my favorite games at the time: Alex Kidd in Miracle World. It was a game for the now defunct but ever-nostalgic Sega Master System console.

Our teacher wanted each of us to present our stories in front of the class by reading it aloud. I was excited about this and wanted to share what I had written with classmates eagerly. Once it was my turn to take center stage in front of the class and deliver my story, I remember seeing the expressions of several classmates as they listened. Many stopped what they were doing, as if they were in mild trances and their eyes became fixated on me. They were captivated by my Alex Kidd fan fiction story and all of its surreal descriptions and scenes. The teacher was very impressed with my tale and immediately praised my writing after I finished presenting. She gave me an A on the assignment and said that I should write more stories because I had natural talent.

I felt great about her support and very proud of my writing. Toward the middle of that year, I began experimenting with funnies, comic strips and various accompanying illustrations. I would show the same instructor my creations and she continued encouraging me and said she found my strips amusing and humorous. I was certainly inspired to write further. While waiting to be picked up after-school , I began writing poems with illustrations on blank paper that came in a multitude of colors. I’d go around showing these works to various kids on the playground, after-school counselors and other teachers to see their reactions. I had as much fun revealing my writings to others as I did creating them. It was my own quirky way of entertaining myself.

Writing poetry became an intense habit. Over the next several years, I wrote many poems and my writing became more sophisticated and expressive. I started to write poetry not only as a way to creatively express myself, but as a form of therapy to explore and purge my emotions. As an eccentric and solitary child, my writing and artwork were my best friends.

Once I got into high school, I took an active interest in expanding my writing into very descriptive scenes, longer forms of poetry, lists of bizarre make-believe diseases and ailments, the development of my own secret language and the creation of a self-philosophy and spiritual belief system I called Jeoydo. I had various notebooks and original pamphlets for my creations. I'd sneak time to go into the computer lab during breaks, when it was empty, to type up and print out as much of my writing as I could. I went around promoting some of my personal philosophies and ideas through self-created booklets with detailed descriptions of beliefs, ideals and principles in the guise of a small organization or social club for people to join.

Of course, many students thought I was strange. They assumed I was on the path of becoming a notorious cult leader and they saw these actions as more validation of my oddness. I roused curiosity and intrigue nonetheless. When I wanted to get away and write further, I’d seek solace in quiet, remote and empty spaces behind the fine arts building, where no one could disturb me with loud noises and other annoying distractions.

I actually began my scene description projects in junior high as I had always done and carried this habit into high school; I’d show random students, fellow band members and some of my English, creative writing and language instructors during class breaks at nutrition and lunch. I continued on with this throughout the remainder of my high school years. Some of my writings were very morbid with elements of dark fantasy and acute black humor that not everyone could stomach or understand but they were still vastly imaginative and distinctive.

I considered the reactions of others to be a form of conceptual art. My creative process would begin with my ideas. After that, I began writing out my ideas in some form and I'd present them to others, but the reactions of others would finalize the creative endeavor. My desire to show others might have seemed like an act for approval or attention but for the most part, it was about entertaining myself. Others were just spectators in the process. Of course, there were a few instructors along the way that offered me much support and encouragement and they will always be remembered for that.

When I went to college, I continued to write in my spare time or whenever I felt the urge and got a chance to jot down my ideas. My mother purchased a Brothers word processor for me before I left for college. It had a monitor, a keyboard and could accept disks for saving work and loading software. I used it all the time and stored many of my older and new writings in it. However, as the priority of college and the dissonance of young adult life took over, I started to lose touch with my writing rituals.
In my late twenties, I felt an inner calling to get back into writing regularly and that’s when I began thinking about my writing in regards to career development. I had taken many paths during college to decide "what I wanted to be when I grew up” and I eventually got my degree in Visual Communication as a graphic designer and illustrator. I don’t regret the academic decision to ultimately pursue a design degree because it has allowed me to gain many skills and to think expansively on ways I can illustrate my writings as an illustrator.

I explored the path of becoming a writer further as I reached my late 20s. Initially I had some technical notions of what it means to become a writer. The list was very concrete. It started off with these objectives:

1. Revisit and read more fiction works. Read regularly.


2. Participate in writers' groups and events. Network.


3. Keep a writing journal and carry it everywhere to record ideas. Record.


4. Write something daily. Develop praxis.

These are still great ideas and I make sure to incorporate each of them into my life on a daily basis. However, I have been inspired to rethink and expand my list of objectives when I think of what it means to become a writer and in striving to be a great one.

I feel it is very important to focus more on developing spirit, heart and intuition as a writer. To explore and experience the world around you. The technical aspect of the craft is important, but as the late Sloan Wilson stated in a reprinted 1962 article, "How to Become a Writer":

The important thing of course is to learn to live fully, to love with kindness as well as passion, to hate the right things and even right people effectively rather than self-destructively, to worship well...

Once a person learns to live well. he or she is provided with many avenues of self-expression, all of them as good as writing, and some better.

In essence, if a writer can cultivate thinking, feeling and exploring, then he/she can learn how to write, because he/she has something to write about. Writing is more about intuition than it is about being grammatically correct and efficient; basically taking the academic approach.

It is crucial to possess and constantly nurture a curious nature. Curiosity leads to more exploration. Barry Levinson, a prolific filmmaker, director, producer and screenwriter with razor-sharp with, stated, "One of the things about being a writer is you have to be inquisitive and open to things that...rattle in your head."

This is where, as a writer, one can turn theory or concept into something very energetically tangible. As a result, the writing flow kicks in once you allow creative improvisation to work its magic. But again, that openness must be there to begin with.

As writers, we accumulate a great deal of junk. But the thing is that it's not merely junk. It has the potential to be transformed into literary gold. - Thomas E. Kennedy

Aspiring writers need to respect and preserve fragmented legacies of their creative thinking. This means that the foundation to developing amazing writing ideas can be found in random scraps, abandoned terms, phrases and short stories written down in folders and old journals, souvenir collections, photographs and scattered notebooks. These are all items and resources that should never be thrown away. There are many writers, such as Thomas E. Kennedy, who've gone on to create profound and award-winning literary works based on brief notes and writings that they found on scraps of paper in an old chest or drawer from long ago.

This leads me to my next point. I believe it is important to seek inspiration in everyday events and in the most unlikely and unorthodox ways. I am inspired by conversations, music, film, window shopping, purchases, color, texture, tastes, sights, sounds, emotions, trips, emotion, dreams, theoretical thought, gestures, symbols, icons, concepts, other people and much more. I find and see inspiration everywhere. It's necessary to live in and with passion. Passion awakens the senses and our sensitivity to everyday events and we begin to experience the world in ways we were formerly turned off to.

Writing is largely about self-revelation and the best and most established writers understand this and incorporate authenticity and sincerity in their writing. Being authentic comes with courage, a deep understanding about oneself and a strong desire to discover more within the inner folds. Everything we write reveals some element of truth about ourselves not only as writers but as individuals. To write freely is to abandon fear and doubt.

Last but not least, writing should involve great experimentation and adventure. Try many different forms and styles of writing without focusing too much on the mechanics of writing. Remember to have fun and to play. Writing should be your playground.