So The Journey Begins

Blogger is one of many places in which I'll be publishing my writings...and of course getting practice.

I've never taken myself seriously as a writer and it's always been weird to give myself this label. In my mind, I've always reserved that label for published writers who became successful, rich and famous from their works; Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Anne Rice, J.K Rowling and the like. Not me.

I've only just began to really get into my writing in an ambitious sense. The writer spirit has always been within and I'd let it out often when I was younger. I wrote as an emotional outlet. I wrote to bleed and to purge my system. The Bleeding came to a halt once I was out of high school. I slipped out of this inclination and busied myself with so many mundane worries and mindfuck episodes. I carried my writing a bit into my early college years, but again, I slowly forgot about bleeding and the toxins started to build.

I found myself without productive outlets of expression. I was on autopilot and didn't stop as much as I should have to reflect and ponder about my frenzied motions and daily gestures.

Well as the years came and went, I started getting into shadowboxing. I was in the Vicarious Age and I just couldn't bring myself to live in the spirit of authenticity and expression directly, although the pull and calling was always there. I danced around the perimeters and watched others conduct their magic rituals within the circle of progress. All I could do was shout out tips and advice about how to work better spells and create more elaborate and engaging mojo bags and charms. Accompanying this spectatorship was an intense schadenfreude inspired urge to disassemble the altars and snuff out of the candles of those within the circle. I could make them better magicians with my direction and often did, but I failed to get in there and call upon my own magic abilities.

I got tired and wanted to get back in touch with the magician within myself.

Creating and inventing is my magic. It's my calling. Writing is a tool that I've decided to pick up again and get acquainted with. But I am in the process of learning how to advance my weaponry skills.

The difficult part about getting back into writing is that I have so many ideas; a bottomless well of them, however, I must get myself comfortable with the process of creation and establishing a vision.

I would describe this challenge in two different ways:

1. You are standing in the middle of a massive and vast space of land as far as your eyes can see in any direction. You are the creator and you have free reign to design and theme this environment however you want. There's no limit.

2. You are an architect that has designed interiors before. But you've been commissioned to completely design a large palace. The objective is a humongous task and you must come up with the entire blueprint for both the interior and exterior layout.

In both of these examples, there's a feeling of excitement and euphoria due to the infinite possibilities of creative expression. I can be as innovative and pioneering as I want. However, I find myself feeling anxious, overwhelmed and intimidated because of the level of responsibility, planning and organization that must go into the laboring process for any vision that I might have within the contexts of being a creator.

Well, that's the way I feel about writing right now. I find that I am not sure what road to take, how to approach certain ideas or slow myself down to really become patient with the process of development. This is new for me. I've never written a novel, I've never completed a full script. I've never done anything in an ambitious sense and on a larger scale overall.

I've worked hard many times in my life, and I've produced some very innovative writing works which gained attention and admiration, but again I am very much in a World Creator context with a purpose and calling, which is different than before.

If I can relax and know that time is on my side and as a result, eventually see "my palace" or "civilization" come alive, then I can pace myself through the process. I'll find that my excitement won't be such a distraction. I can let it work its charms and develop a feeling of entitlement and comfort in being a creator.

I will also realize that everything doesn't have to be done all at once on a massive scale. Who says I need to create a palace or world in one day. I might aim for that, but it's going to involve a lot of trail, error and experimentation. No writing project is perfect or satisfactory the first time around and not all writing projects should even be ambitious.

All writing is good writing in this stage...because it helps me to get the process going in some way or another.